Comes In Threes

I try to be a good person. I don't walk old people across the street or anything, but I always donate my empties to the homeless. Or my brother, who makes me wine.

It was a lovely Sunday. The kids I teach dance to were ridiculously angelic this week, so we decided to end off the practice with a little dance-a-thon. For this reason only, I carry the entire album of the Bee Gees on my laptop. I feel a responsibility to teach these girls to appreciate good music.

But then my back remembered that it hadn't had any strength training in about...ever. Once we got to the hopping part of our dance-a-thon, something pulled. Hard.

 

My poor kids thought I was dying, but we managed to finish the song with our new move: The Back Jack. Finally the parents freed me of my chains and I raced home to run a bath for my muscles....ok, first I went to Swiss Chalet. And had some wine.

ANYWAY. I was enjoying my bath with my beloved Gulliver's Travels book...

When all of a sudden:

That green squiggle? That's my parrot, Gir. He never got the 411 about flying gracefully. This is literally what he looks like when he's airborn. And I've never seen him more determined than he looked right then, diving into my tub.

I've never seen anything like it. He's the prudest little thing when it comes to water. He has to get each toe wet before he steps in like the princess that he is. But this, our first bath, was something he'd obviously been expecting this whole time.

Not cool. Parrots can't swim. They just can't. Plus, TOXIC BATH SALTS.

Stupid parrot kept diving in after I saved him from death. The fourth time I was forced to let out the bath, no pain relief in sight. Of course, Gir was fine. Gir's always fine.

When the water let out I noticed what I had left in the bath tub. My book. My drowned book. Unreadable, and unflippable. It's a true loss, and I'm hoping that by the time I get home tonight I can take the wrinkled-up bound papers and pretend it still feels like an old, comfortable book. That is, if the fucking bird didn't chew it up yet.