There's something to be said for honesty. If you want to be whoever you think is best, at least have the courtesy of being proud of that person. Don't think you're fooling people just because you don't say things outright. It becomes pretty obvious that you're hiding something. Pretty, darn obvious. Dishonest people are weak. And that's all there is to it. So when you lie, there's no other word that comes to people's minds about you other than 'weak'. People then have to decide whether or not you're still worth hanging out with. That sucks, making a decision like that about someone you really liked having in your life.
And don't assume that just because someone decides you are still worth it that they're any better off. It doesn't make them stronger people, or more valuable. It makes them feel stupid; like they should want to leave, but can't. It makes them feel like maybe if their lives were better, they wouldn't have a need to keep someone around who lies. Then it makes them feel like they've earned you completely by dealing with this inner tormenting bullshit you caused.
Does it stop there? Hell no. Because you're not perfect. You aren't the best person in the world to be with. So now you've got people who are still dealing with your lies, having to deal with your other quirks as well. And what you might see as an even playing field is a losing battle for the other team. No argument or disagreement comes from a clean slate. They're always ready to voice out their resentment, the little growing ball of disappointment that they hid away from you when you asked for their forgiveness.
8 comments:
oooh sounds like someone needs a drink and a rant :(
It's just...grrr...I have a couple of great girlfriends (like you hehe) but sometimes it's just not worth the extra hassle of putting up with their bullshit.
Isn't the point of hanging out with other women that you can be totally honest and not worry about what they'll think of you?
I know right! Its bad enough that we have to deal with men and their selfishness. We shouldn't have to wrory about our girls doing it to us too!
Let's get together. I won't lie to you, I promise. lol
:) That would be grand :)
this isn't just about women is it
It was a 'last straw' type of thing, so maybe not completely. It's been a rough year, I suppose.
Did you actually write this? It seems sub-par to your usual technique.
thanks georgie! lol
Actually, it was written right after the incident, in about 5 minutes, and right before I left work. So chalk it up to over-emotional circumstances. Perhaps I should rewrite it? ;)
And how the hell are you!? I haven't seen you in eons.
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