"What are you doing for lunch today?"
"Uhh, this," my voice had become monotonous as a result of not getting ANYTHING FUCKING RIGHT that day.
"Naww, you're coming out with me. Get out of this cubicle. You can't just hide in there all day. You and your lava rock."
"Salt rock. It's good for your ions."
"So is food. Let's go."
As a defense, my cubicle actually rocks.
See my salt rock?Arun always takes me to new and exciting places for lunch. I still remember my first lamb souvlaki - having avoided it my entire life. God. So good. So evil, but so good.
"Where are we going today?" I ask, already putting a bit of a skip in my step as my tastebuds take the lead.
"Raw food."
"What?"
"Raw food. It's healthy."
"Oh, like sushi? I'm totally into su-"
"No. It's vegetables."
"Like chop suey?"
"No, they don't cook it. It's raw."
"Like...a salad...restaurant?"
"It smells funny in here."
"Shut up."
It did, though. It smelled like craft corner at camp. The wood, the nature foods, the dusty, muskiness of camp.
"This is a yoga studio. I'm not into-"
"It's above the studio, just follow me."
Remember the first apartment in your circle of friends? And it was shit, but you're still so excited to have a place of 'your own' that it didn't matter?
That's what this place was. No word of exaggeration, we had to sit at a communal table with about 4 other couples. The kitchen was an actual apartment kitchen. Without an oven. Re-read those last 3 words. And then read this: NO OVEN.
Arun is super sensitive though, so I didn't complain much. But seriously.
"Do they have beer here?"
"No. Don't ask the waitress."
"But we always-"
"Get one of their drinks. Not the beet one though. You'll be peeing purple for days."
"Awesome."
The food was actually not that bad, but it took me a while to realize that in fact, everything was raw. And nothing was what is said it was on the menu. I had 'spaghetti' with 'alfredo sauce'. The quote marks are because it was actually zucchini strips and cashew paste. But it was tasty enough for me to shut up about the false advertising. I ate it ALL. Happily.
I guess I looked like I wasn't having a good time, because they nicknamed me The Skeptic, and gave us free dessert. Chocolate Cheesequake. And just in case you haven't caught the jist of this game, there was no cheese in it. Or chocolate. But it was soooo good that I actually started eating off Arun's plate when I licked mine clean. I can do this, I thought, I can be a raw vegan. Totally. Who needs milk and meat and...an oven anyway? I'll be that annoying person who goes to restaurants like Jack Astors and then orders something practically straight from the fridge. "Oh, I'll just have the vegan pizza" as if it's a totally normal request, and then sniff like I caught the Stupid Cold from the waiter when he tells me that actually, everything on the menu is first tossed with ground meat and then fried in bacon fat. I can totally be that person. Totally.
Then reality set in at around 3pm. I got hungry. And don't go near me when I'm hungry. I will eat your hand. Ain't no amount of zucchini gonna satisfy me when I'm on a rampage for real food.
In retrospect, my body loved the experience, and I should probably thank Arun for taking me there. And maybe apologize for listing off all the things that are wrong with not having heat with lunch.
My mind orgasmed when I scarfed down greasy Chinese food that night. I'm not meant to be a stupid health fanatic anyway. Women are more sexy with curves, is what I'm gonna go with.
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