Anxious

The knuckles are a'cracking. I need to get on this, and make things work. So far, it feels like any project I've taken on has failed in some capacity. It's a horrible feeling. I'm scared to accept anything else in the near future, even though the offers are speeding in. I'm afraid I'll let more people down. They have so much blind faith in me that they don't consider the fact that I might not put out what they're expecting. And it sucks looking into encouraging eyes. Don't look at me like that. I don't want to see them change into Disappointing.

It won't stop. I can't stop this knitted sweater of my life from unraveling. I try. I try to stand still, but the yarn keeps pulling. I try to go with the flow, but the pattern's beginning to look like a spaced-out Pacman screen. People keep taking. I can't say no because there's nowhere to turn away. I dread the idea of being alone and without purpose.

I'm hoping to balance out someday. Not embarrass my brother with my bratiness at the table. Not let down the girls with my lack of emotional support. And especially not avoid the people in my life who make an effort to keep my yarn still. I'll figure this out. I just need more time.